A Topps Toy? Sign me up!

 

I hope you got some Baseball Cards for Christmas. I, did not. And that's OK, because there isn't much on the retail shelves I would have wanted, right now. 2024 Update Purple Paul Skenes lottery tickets (+free pack of actual Baseball Cards!) are temporarily sold out in my little ole Baseball Card gobbling hometown.

I did get a pretty cool old book -

I highly recommend it. I was a little disappointed that Tiger Stadium wasn't in it, but that's probably because Tiger Stadium hadn't been torn down yet when the book was written. This book is making me reach for — Baseball Cards - on the regular, whenever I crack it open.

A little while before Christmas though, I bought myself a Baseball Card present, like all Baseball Card collectors do, on a pretty much year-round Christmas basis.

This one arrived in "Hobby" boxes of 2023 Topps Archives. And only Hobby Boxes. None for you, retail "poors." And also not in those cool "Collector" Boxes with the actual Baseball Player Lunch Boxes, so you could relive being 8 years old, which is of course what Baseball Cards are all about, at a root level. 

I would have been pretty happy to plunk down a Benjamin for either a Hobby or Collector's Box of 2023 Topps Archives, but, alas, I was up in the delightful "Wilds" of the Lake Superior Country, where there are lots of one and two year old Baseball Cards for sale at the one-only-every-100-miles Walmarts, but definitely not any super cool Hobby-only products.

By the time I got home from that expedition to the Baseball Card Wilderness, all the Hobby products were sold out, unless I wanted to pay for the thrill of worrying about some Porch Pirates stealing them from me, which, I never do. Once my LCS sells out of stuff, I'm content with Baseball's ultimate re-assurance - "there's always next year."

That sad tale of woe meant I never got to experience Topps in Three Dimensions last year, via their ultra cool 3D Glasses packed one, per, in every "Hobby" of 23 Archives. 

Until I finally pulled the trigger on just behaving like a 21st Century adult, rather than an 8 year old, and just purchased the glasses online, in a package that would fit in a regular old mailbox, where Porch Pirates still fear to tread, probably due to the Federal Law Enforcement "Eyes in the Sky" spooking them too much, I believe. Firmly.

And I mean, if Topps makes something for me, Ima buyin it, no matter how goofy. In fact, the goofier, the better. I've got a collection of Topps Qbit Stampers -AND- Topps Glow-In-The-Dark Poker Chips to prove it! These nifty new glasses will probably make those widgets look an extra 159% cooler, too.

As an added bonus, I got 4 of the special 3D cards designed to go with these uber cool 3D glasses - or were the glasses designed to go with the cards? I forget.

And as an added added bonus, one of my initial, first-hit's-free-kid, cards was one of Miguel Cabrera. Is that why I finally pulled this silly trigger? Could be. It's Miggy in 3D! Hellz to the Yah, eh! Let's take a look:

Miggy leads the charge!

Back to the cellar, boys!

Now, don't worry, dear devoted readers. I'm not going to leave you hanging, missing out on the whole 3D experience with the same ole, same ole 2D Internet experience; this is the year 2024 after all. That's not how this blog works. No upcharge, or nothin' -

Hmmm.

Might have to go back to the drawing board on this one.

Miggy's "Blue period"

Is it just me, or does Miggy look fat in this?

OK, Ok, ok, this isn't working out like I thought it would. Isn't there, like, a "3D" button on Life now, that I can push whenever I wish? I mean it sure seems that way on Social Media now, where Halloween just isn't complete any more without a 3D Pumpkin on every porch.

Turns out, even better than a 3D panic button, there is an "AI" 3D option. Let's take a look:

I think this is how "3D" worked back in the 20th century, when it was kinda a more DIY deal. I mean, if you move a 2D Baseball Card forwards and backwards, it's now operating in 3, count 'em, 3 dimensions, right? I think there was a Saturday Night Live sketch about this, but that show is on late at night, so, I'm not sure how accurate it is, usually.

Let's try again -

OMG! Miggy keeps gettin' fatter!

Is this what we really want?

Luckily, AI always knows what we -really- want:

The crowd keeps gettin' smaller now.

I guess Miggy is going to beat the throw at First Base, this time.

That can't be real. AI is infallible! We all know that.

Let's give it one more chance -

wait, now I'm starting to feel a little car-sick

I don't know, Base Set fans, I think we might have to wait till the 4th wall arrives to truly experience Topps in 3D all-together-now, over the Internet, instead of in actual, "3D" life, where we take turns with the glasses, or the cards, as fortune might dictate.

And don't worry about lookin goofy with these either. Topps apparel is always completely stylish and they got ya covered with the stylin' frames:

Yes, you will not look like a nerd who never grew up wearing these while you walk out of the Big Box store with the alarm going off because you bought Baseball Cards. This was clearly a job for the 20th century umbrella logo, too, so the deets are correct.

And all these wordy words for only one Baseball Card? Doan worry -

I spent all these George Washingtons to look at a 3D picture of, a Hug? Let's keep our eye on the ball here:

I mean, when I put on the glasses, he catches the ball, amirite?

We'll see. Err, well, I will. You might have to buy your own glasses.

These cards are designed "after" a 1954, iirc, "Tarzan" set.

I bet that was a hoot.

Does MLB today have a Tarzan? 

I think this set needs a Puig, that would work.

Oh, wait. He "retired" to Korea now.

Let's try a Plan B -

I said Tarzan, not "mercenary"

OK, so it looks like I am collecting this one. I gotta see Baseball in 3D, somehow.

That has some good news, and some bad news. The actual name of the not 1954, but 1953 (nerds don't like these details being wrong) set was "Tarzan & the She-Devil," which probably has an explosive three dimensional She-Devil card. And I will be needin' that. At least, now I already have the glasses! #ThanksTopps.

But that's the bad news. The good news is: this 20 card checklist doesn't have a Shohei Ohtani card! How cool is -that- ? That means "they" will be just givin' these cards away. Except, there is a Judge card, so that might actually cost real money. Bummer.

And plus, plus, now it's time for

Bonus Round

You think I blew $4 on a waycool pair of Topps 3D glasses for just 20 cards?

I've got whole bunches of 3D cards!