Thursday, March 28, 2013

All-New Series! Let's rip a pack

So I can't wait on these any longer. I actually picked this pack up maybe a couple weeks ago on a trip to the big red bulls-eye to uhh, get some freeze-dried fruit snacks they have there, for my healthy oatmeal in the morning. Yeah. No, no "blasters" involved. Uhh-uhh. Just healthy snacks. Yeah, that's the ticket.

I did take a peek at a certain aisle by the cash registers, and there were these stickers I like though. The only place I've seen them this spring. I think the managers of most of the Big Box stores know when they are being made fun of, and they retaliate by giving their shelf space to Angry Birds Dog Tags instead.

But it's time to explore All-New Series 10. I haven't even cracked any Series 9 yet, though I do have some packs safely tucked away in a travel bag for one of those sad evenings when the internet is down in another one of the bizarrely remote undisclosed locations that are my typical jobsites. First, the wrapper, always a clue to the proceedings:

I think we're in for some poop jokes, and plenty of techno satire, and the usual fun with consumer products.

My first sticker:

Well, a video-game parody, just as predicted on the wrapper. I guess this as good a place as any to explain a little of what draws me to Wacky Packages — there is usually one, sometimes two stickers per Series that are almost entirely going to be humorous for adults, rather than kids. This sticker here could have upped the grown-up level somehow with any sort of reference to Angelina Jolie, but it did not. Oh well.

2nd Sticker:

A standard Wacky. Take a package, change all the words. The graphics are getting pretty tight there, they must use computer software these days or somethin'. Nice penguin....would make a nice icon for fun somewhere if stripped off with some computer software or somethin'.

3rd Sticker:

Never takes long with Wackys. Scatological humor, also as hinted on the wrapper.

4th Sticker:

Ahh, back to a purely painted Piece. Classically Wacky.

5th Sticker:

But wait, where's the blue button? Everyone knows there is a blue light saber. No blue Life Savers though. And hey, what is that black line in the rest of the pack of stickers there????

6th Sticker:

Ding-Ding! A joke kids won't get, with that ear there. Oh, yeah, y'all collect baseball cards. Somehow I doubt most of you have a Bucket List entry of again visiting one of the greatest museums in the world, in a foreign country, across the street from their Rijksmuseum. Can doing something a 2nd time be a valid Bucket List entry? And what does Modeling Clay have to do with painting a masterpiece? Kind of just a soft lazy fly to the center fielder here Topps; he takes two steps to his left and makes the easy catch.

7th Sticker:

Is this another poop joke? I'm confused now Topps. Maybe I'm too old for these.

8th Sticker:

Oooooh! A Hit! Number Six of only Ten! Get eBay on the phone! The phone? Does eBay even have a phone? Oh, wait, it's not a Hit, it's an insert sticker. One of the "Awful Apps." I didn't know eHarmony had an app. If I signed up for eHarmony and listed Baseball Cards as an interest, do you think I would ever make it to this here eA app? Maybe. After all, it looks like someone at Topps just went through a divorce. But, I guess if you have a job in Baseball Cards, that would work a little better on eHarmony. I might have to try this eHarmony / Baseball Cards angle. Now that would be a blog post or three. Or none, the expected level of action on that goofy idea.

9th Sticker:

I'm on a roll now. A parallel! Silver border parallel, 1-in-3 packs. Nice Wacky comment line there on the bottom.

10th and final Sticker:

Now, I'm flustered. Every Series seems to have this. Kind of an un-labeled parallel. The bulk of the stickers have one color, and there is an easy to come by parallel border color, and there is usually a really hard one - Gold in this Series, 1-in-355 packs. I hope I start to pull some when I finally get my Hobby Case, that is like 2 weeks late shipping, again. And then there are these. Is this a parallel? What color is that anyway? Wal-Mart Blue? Didja ever notice that the so-called "Wal-Mart Blue" is nowhere near the color blue on the Wal-Mart sign out in front of the store? And seriously, how can I put this one in the binder? It doesn't go with the Black ones. I just got my first Silver. Should I start a new binder page for it? Will there be more of these? How can Topps not answer this crucial question???!!!???? Can you believe they are the only company that makes Wacky Packages, now and forever? The monopoly is so unfair! They _always_ pull this gimmicky crap. I'm so sick of it! I buy their products like an addict, and they keep feeding me this BS! Every time! I'm calling Topps customer service. They have a phone, and a phone #. And I have that phone #. On speed dial. They _never_ answer my email anyway. But I can hit re-dial as much as I want!

Tony the Tiger is possibly one of the All-Time Leaders in Wacky Packages. And I like the "Khaos" logo, a lot - a bit of a head scratcher for a kid that was laughing at the Bean Jerky sticker. And 'Testy' the Tiger. But overall this one is more of a swing and a pop-up, not deep, the 2nd baseman is drifting back, now he waits on the ball...and he's got it. Topps is out for this inning.

Favorite Sticker: Play-Gogh. Close, but not quite. There is a lot more of this Series to go, thogh.

Least Favorite Sticker: Rold Cold. It's about the "art" Topps. Try and remember that.

But wait, wait....what about the backs? Oh yeah, I Read the Backs.

No real back for the "Awful App". Of the other 9 stickers, we get 3 faux-coupons:

No worries for Polar Pete here. I prefer when the coupons are for made-up things, rather than just the sticker ideas that got sent to AAA. The expiration dates are the only (slight) saving grace on these.

And then there are the puzzles, I got pieces from 2 of them:

Normally the puzzles are from stickers in the Series. So I think there will be a Newts-and-Adders sticker. Let's hope there is a Gingrich joke on it, but I doubt it.

I got 4 pieces of the other puzzle:

Looks like a Hippie themed McDonalds sticker. Oh, the irony, and two memes always ripe for satire. A couple of my favorite Wackys ever, aside from the original Beastball way back there at the top (note  the Terror company, rather than Flopps), are a couple that poke fun at the hippie crowd. I'm looking forward to pulling it from a pack. I'll be collecting these a pack at a time when I see one. And I have that stash of Series 9 to open some boring day, not that I have many of those in the spring-time. And then, of course, it's time to Collect 'Em! Trade 'Em!

P.S. And what about those "Hits"? A Topps product MUST have HITS, right? Tell me there are Hits to be pulled, my hands are starting to get a little shaky here. Yup, even Wacky Packages have hits now. Here are the odds. You'll have to squint and read them yourself:

Good Luck!

1 comment:

  1. That's awesome. Your post made me want to go out and check these out. I mean get some for my son. Yeah, that's it, get them for my son...